I will never forget when Bat Boy led police on that 3-state high speed chase after being found in a cave in West Virginia. Without the Weekly World News, I would’ve never known about Saddam Hussein’s affair with Osama bin Laden. More importantly, I would’ve never heard about the outing of the world’s first openly gay insect.

WWN has always been America’s finest news source, even after it stopped releasing printed copies in 2007. I personally read the website every day, and I’m a devout follower of columnist Ed Anger. His views typically reflect those of mine, including pushing for the movement of giving guns to school teachers, and paving the rainforest.

But, my dear WWN, I’m posting this asking you to come back! Your website is simply a sparsely-updated Wordpress blog posting non-sensical stories (much like this one,) and you no longer have the former glory that you once had in your hayday. For Christ’s sake, your pictures are now in color! How could you let this happen?

You follow Bat Boy around like he’s Bruce Willis, when you should instead be focusing your attention the dinosaur people that are being used as hat-racks at the Cleveland airport, or the skunk-man that was unjustly run over by a truck in Utah. You once provided news that even the Onion had too much journalistic integrity to publish. But, now, you seem to be run by a couple of twenty-two year old guys in a basement who like playing with Photoshop.

I’ll miss ye, and God bless Bat Boy.